17 August 2008

Dear Mr. Direct Mailer...

Dear Mr. Direct Mailer,

I don't hate you. As a marketer myself, I understand that sometimes direct mail is the best way to get your message in front of your target market.

You've gotten sloppy, though. A few weeks ago, you sent me a customized catalog from the NFL Shop "personalized" with Philadelphia Eagles gear. Uhhh...I hate the Eagles. I know you may think I like the Eagles because I bought a Brian Westbrook jersey from you last year as a prize for a Football Pick'em 2007 monthly winner. Of the eight items I've bought from you in the past, your database will clearly show, seven of them were Indianapolis Colts items. That makes me a Colts fan...not an Eagles fan.

A few days later, you sent a letter to my wife on behalf of John McCain. This was very nice. In the package, you included an autographed picture of Senator McCain and his wife, Cindy (along with a "picture receipt confirmation" to be mailed back in with a sizable monetary donation). My wife's name is Devon. SHE is a woman. In fact, she's a drop-dead gorgeous woman. So why did you address the package to MR. Devon Davis? Do you think she likes it that you assumed she was a man? Though I on occasion dress in drag, I do not like it when you call my wife Mister. Besides, why risk using a title anyway? There's no reward and a reasonable chance of being wrong.

And why do you on behalf of Capital One, CitiBank, and American Express send my wife and I the exact same direct mail piece on the same day? If the offer is "exclusive" why do two people under the same roof get the same offer? Do you think this makes it more likely that your message will be read or considered? Does your database not know to eliminate duplicate entries at the same mailing address?

You see, Mr. (Mrs.? Ms.? Madam?) Direct Mailer, I totally understand that sophisticated databases have made modern mass mailings possible. I just think you should realize that a successful campaign doesn't risk using incorrect and unnecessary information.

Sincerely,
Mister Mr. Devon Davis

2 comments:

The New MBA said...

I got nothin' to add, but I just wanted to tell you that I thought this post was very funny. Great work.

Eric Jones said...

I'm sorry you have to see anything from John McCain, or at least the 2008 John McCain. The one working in the preceding three decades was an intriguing leader (even if not always right on many of the issues). The current campaigning version is a tool or a stooge or both.

But the reason I wanted to comment is because I loved the way you signed your post -- though it did kick off the opening chords of "Broken Wings" in my head.